A short essay on why this blog is here in the first place.
There are few things that will motivate a person like desperation. Desperation drives people to the very limit of their abilities, pushes them to make decisions they’ve been afraid of making, forces them to try alternative solutions to a persistant problem. In a word, that is how I’ve felt as of late: desperate.
Truthfully I have little reason to feel desperate. I’m blessed with a lot of things that I’ve done nothing to deserve, and first and foremost is the saving grace of Jesus Christ. That alone makes me feel foolish for being unsatisfied. On top of that, I have an awesome wife, a nice apartment, a family that loves me, and a bunch of great friends. And yet, there’s still this gnawing feeling in the back of my mind that I’m in danger of wasting my life; hence, the desperate feeling.
To clarify, I’m not unsatisfied with where I live, how much money I make, or any of my relationships; I’m unsatisfied with what I’m doing. By that, I mean what I’m doing as a career. When I first started college, I was a music education major, and I spent my days happily studying and playing music. I eventually realized, however, that my heart wasn’t in the educational aspect (fairly important, if you’re going to be a teacher), and I decided to change course. I’ve always known that I wanted a family, and I determined that as long as I had a loving family it didn’t matter what I did for a living. Two years and one business degree later, and I’m now working in a warehouse as a sales trainee. Whoopie…
In all fairness I thoroughly enjoyed business school, but if I had known that this was my trajectory before I started two years ago, I would probably have run the other way. Clearly my earlier determination that I would be happy regardless of my occupation was misguided. I loved music school so much because it satisfied my creative itch. For as long as I can remember, from a slightly unhealthy childhood obsession with LEGOs to writing short stories to editing my desktop background for three hours, I’ve always had a driving need to create. Not to shock anyone, but sales isn’t a particularly creative field.
I feel like a spoiled child for complaining about what job I have when there are plenty of people who can’t find one at all, but at a certain point I don’t much care if I sound spoiled. I won’t be satisfied with a career as a salesman; I refuse to be. Perhaps I’m just arrogant, but I feel like I would be wasting my creativity and intelligence if that’s all I did with my life. I can do more and be more. I want to wake up in the morning -happy with what I do every day; I want to tell stories, contribute to important discussions, make music, and create experiences for people. Or at the very least be something other than a desk jockey ’till I turn 65.
The terrifying, desperation inducing fact though, is that I’m headed for exactly what I fear if I don’t do something to change it. Thus, I started this blog; I know its not much (I haven’t exactly quit my job to launch a startup…yet), but my hope is that my writing here will be the beginning to a different direction in my life. My hope is that this blog will be the catalyst for a life unwasted.
So, dear reader, please read on. If you’ve read the About the Brink page (which you ought to do), then you’ll know that I’ve got big plans for this blog! I’ll be writing about a plethora of topics, and I’ll likely be taking input for topics as well. I’ll try to post on a somewhat regular schedule, but the frequency of that schedule has yet to be determined. In the meantime, I thank you for reading, and in the words of the apostle Paul, grace be with you.